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Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship, miss your boo while they’re on a business trip, or find yourself unable to see your lover due to pandemic-related restrictions, connecting virtually can keep feelings of closeness alive no matter the distance.
Similarly, using your phone or webcam to have sex with you’re partner when you can’t be together physically is a great way to boost intimacy and communication, according to sex therapist and “Sex with Emily” podcast host Emily Morse.
Set the mood with dinner and deep conversation
Before diving straight into sending nudes or having phone sex, Morse suggested setting the mood with your partner.
“When we just rely on the physical, that can take up a lot of space and time, but after awhile, that’s going to fade. When it does, we don’t have the depth, intimacy, the ability to communicate,” about sex or other important relationship topics, Morse told Insider.
That’s why she suggested planning a virtual dinner date where you and your partner order similar meals together over Zoom or FaceTime.
During this time, ask each other questions that go beyond “How was your day?” or gossiping about your friends, said Morse. If you’re unsure where to get started, she suggested these relationship-building questions:
- What does monogamy look like to you?
- What would you do if you won the lottery?
- Who is a famous person you’d ask to dinner, and why?
- How important is sex to you in a relationship?
- How would you like to prioritize our sex life going forward?
She also suggested The 36 Questions That Lead to Love, a collaboration between the New York Times and psychologist Arthur Aron.
If you’re new to virtual sex, experiment with dirty talk over text
If you’ve never had phone or video sex, dirty talk can feel intimidating or awkward.
But practice makes perfect, according to Morse. “Dirty talk is art and it’s a skillset,” she said.
Write down words and phrases that sound hot to you, said Morse, and practice in the shower. If you’re still feeling shy, “you could write your own erotica about the last time you were together with your partner,” she said.
Then you can take it to text messaging. Morse suggested talking about what you want to happen in the future as an easy way to get excited for over-the-phone sex with your partner later in the day or week.
Another option for easing into dirty talk is texting your partner something you want them to do with you later, or describing a sexy moment you previously had together, according to Morse.
When you’re comfortable, you can move your dirty talk to over the phone or onto FaceTime.
Try a sex toy your partner can control from hundreds of miles away
You can’t completely replace the presence of your partner, but sex toys designed for long-distance loving can be a helpful solution.
Partnered toys come in a variety of options, like a toy for each partner or a single toy that the other person can control through a smartphone app. It’s a great way to engage in mutual masturbation from afar, according to Morse.
“They can turn it on, make it turn off, they can control the patterns. I think that’s really fun if you get to that level of trust in your relationship of trust,” she said, adding that the Moxie from WeVibe and couples’ sets from KIIROO are some of her favorites.
Check in with each other before you hang up
Whether you’re going for mutual orgasms or simply want to dirty talk to build up excitement for later, it’s important to check in emotionally with your partner before you close the Zoom call or hang up the phone.
“I’m a big fan of aftercare,” said Morse. “Breathe together and have a moment where you are connected and you share compliments, what you feel in the moment, and what was great about it.”
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